1. |
Chat Shit, Get Banged
02:28
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That looked pretty rough, but I'm not gonna leap to your defenses.
You opened your stupid mouth without thinking about the consequences.
It's a harsh lesson and you'll probably only learn it once.
If you say something stupid, you'll get a stupid response.
What the hell was that outburst?
You got punched in the head, but it's no less than you deserved.
You're acting outraged, but what's so hard to understand?
your actions have consequences.
Chat shit get banged.
You were a cunt in public and it didn't go to plan.
Shit happens, you fucking dickhead.
Chat shit get banged.
Why'd you get on the bus and unload a verbal attack?
I'm not a violent man myself, but I won't be fussed if you get a smack.
If you're gonna be racist in Greggs that's unnecessarily nasty,
You've got the right to freedom of speech, but not the right to buy a pasty.
What the hell was that outburst?
You got punched in the head, but it's no less than you deserved.
You're acting outraged, but what's so hard to understand?
your actions have consequences.
Chat shit get banged.
You were a cunt in public and it didn't go to plan.
Shit happens, you fucking dickhead.
Chat shit get banged.
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2. |
More Poo Than Man
00:49
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I'm full of Indian food
and I need to lay a plank.
This is an emergency and
there's just no room left in the tank.
More poo than man
More poo than man
Please understand I'm pretty sure at this point I am
More poo than man
Stop the car, I'll go right fucking here if I have to.
I can't even walk cause I'm nursing a poo so big that it could win a BAFTA.
More poo than man
More poo than man
Please understand I'm pretty sure at this point I am
More poo than man
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3. |
Set of Bastards
00:52
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The guy who gets on the bus and sits next to you, even though there's other places to sit
The shop dickhead that doesn't put the 'next customer down' thing down behind their shit
Set of bastards
Set of bastards
Set of bastards
Set of bastards
Hey mate, let me get off the train before you pile in you fucking prick
You're not gonna get where you're going faster, but I might give your head a kick
Set of bastards
Set of bastards
Set of bastards
Set of bastards
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4. |
Essential Shopping
00:06
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Only go out for essential shopping, exercise and maybe a Twix.
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5. |
Rail Replacement Bus
01:21
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I got to the platform only to find
that my train is fucked.
Is this some kind of sick and twisted joke
or am I just this down on my luck?
I'm supposed to be on a train right now
Getting where I'm going without a fuss
Instead I'm losing my fucking mind
on a rail-replacement bus.
What the fuck did I do to deserve
this inhumane vehicular disgust
It feels like I'm in purgatory
on a rail-replacement bus
Someone's having fish for lunch
and it's causing me distress.
My phone battery is dead
and we've only just passed Barrow-in-Furness.
I'm supposed to be on a train right now
Getting where I'm going without a fuss
Instead I'm losing my fucking mind
on a rail-replacement bus.
What the fuck did I do to deserve
this inhumane vehicular disgust
It feels like I'm in purgatory
on a rail-replacement bus
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6. |
Ross Kemp on Gangs
00:38
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He's not afraid of guns and he isn't scared of drugs,
Ross Kemp's coming to your town for a cup of tea, with some thugs.
Ross Kemp on gangs
Ross Kemp on gangs
Ross Kemp on gangs
Ross Kemp on gangs
He walked up to an armed gang just to have a friendly chat,
Some things might scare him, but he isn't scared of that.
Ross Kemp on gangs
Ross Kemp on gangs
Ross Kemp on gangs
Ross Kemp on gangs
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7. |
Half a Sausage
00:14
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I went to a barbecue,
with just six other people, my wife and me,
I think I probably had half a sausage,
but I was there in a working capacity.
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8. |
Punch a Horse
00:45
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Come here, dickhead! You think you're hard? Why the long face?
You don't scare me, you four-legged bastard, and your big long head is a disgrace.
I had a couple of pints before the match,
and a few in the concourse,
and I'm so fucking angry,
that I could punch a horse.
I'm usually an animal lover, and I acted in self defence.
The massive bastard charged at me, so I punched it, it's just common sense.
I had a couple of pints before the match,
and a few in the concourse,
and I'm so fucking angry,
that I could punch a horse.
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9. |
Hot, Innit?
01:10
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I love the summer, but it's a waste of fucking time when it's pretty much illegal to go outside.
BBC Weather said there was gonna be a massive thunderstorm, but they fucking lied.
Don't get me wrong, I like the heat, but this is too much.
I'm gonna lose my mind in a minute.
Day 5 of being stuck to my chair with sweat.
Make it stop. It's hot, innit?
It's too hot. It's too bloody hot. It's ruining everything, tell it to stop.
How the hell am I supposed to function as a human being, when it's this fucking hot?
Don't get me wrong, I like the heat, but this is too much.
I'm gonna lose my mind in a minute.
Day 5 of being stuck to my chair with sweat.
Make it stop. It's hot, innit?
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10. |
Underpants All Day
00:37
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It's been fifteen days since I even left the house, so what's the point of getting dressed?
I've been sitting in my pants for weeks 'cause I am under house arrest
I'm living proof that you can survive on a diet of booze and cholestorol
Underpants cupping my balls, Underpants will destroy us all
Underpants all day
Underpants all day
Underpants all day
Underpants all day
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11. |
I'm Not the Impostor
00:18
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I'm not the impostor. You're the fucking impostor. You prick.
Your accusations are bollocks, and I'm not having it.
You were out killing while I was quietly doing my tasks,
and I'm pretty sure saw you jumping in and out of vents, you treacherous twat.
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12. |
Michael Owen Hates Films
01:55
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Michael Owen hates films in fact he's only watched 8 films in his life
He watched Seabiscuit once but only 'cause he was on a long flight
He's seen Jurassic Park but couldn't quite suspend his disbelief
He thought it was alright, but didn't really think that much of Heat.
#Hatefilms
Michael Owen Hates Films
#Hatefilms
Michael Owen Hates Films
He saw Cool Runnings in 1997 to impress his wife
He told her it was pretty good, even though he thought that it was shite.
Rocky 4's his favourite film, but he thinks that Rocky 1 is pretty shit
He thinks he watched Ghost as a child, but he can't remember it
#Hatefilms
Michael Owen Hates Films
#Hatefilms
Michael Owen Hates Films
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13. |
Wetherspoons Wanker
00:50
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Alright, ordering your drink on the app is pretty nice,
but when the owner of the pub is a racist cunt, convenience doesn't really suffice.
Wetherspoons wanker
You're a Wetherspoons wanker
Wetherspoons wanker
You're a Wetherspoons wanker
A cocktail pitcher for a tenner's pretty good, but so is paying your staff,
I'd rather drink cans at home than give my cash to a massive dickhead who looks like a fruit bat.
Wetherspoons wanker
You're a Wetherspoons wanker
Wetherspoons wanker
You're a Wetherspoons wanker
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14. |
Visit Durham
01:09
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Come and visit Durham, it's a national delight
you can go for a drive to test your eyesight
You can head to Barnard castle if you're feeling blue
it's the perfect place to break the rules
Visit Durham
It's really nice
Visit Durham
Against government advice
You can walk in the woods, if you're rich
and your son needs to go and take a piss
Stay home we said, but we also meant to say
The rules don't apply on your wife's birthday
Visit Durham
It's really nice
Visit Durham
Against medical advice
Visit Durham
It's really nice
Visit Durham
Against government advice
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15. |
Minimum Spend
01:07
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Have you ever ended up ordering too much on Just Eat,
because you have to break the bank if you wanna spend enough for delivery?
You probably don't need some chicken pakora with your doner kebab,
but if you don't, we're gonna have to cook, and I'm not okay with that.
We're already spending a lot, but this place is the shit,
and they'll send us a garlic bread for free if we spend two more quid.
There's a mountain of food in front of me, and it's never gonna end.
I'll eat like a king forever - thanks to the minimum spend.
What's a pineapple fritter? Fuck it, who gives a shit?
If it means I can have a pizza, I'll fucking eat it.
Have they got nuggets? Fuck it, alright. I'll have ten.
I might not eat them tonight but tomorrow I'll have to eat again.
We're already spending a lot, but this place is the shit,
and they'll send us a garlic bread for free if we spend two more quid.
There's a mountain of food in front of me, and it's never gonna end.
I'll eat like a king forever - thanks to the minimum spend.
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16. |
Half and Half Scarf
00:14
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I can't believe you paid a fiver for that, when you could have had a pint instead.
You might as well wear a t-shirt that alerts everyone around that you're a massive dickhead.
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17. |
Macaulay Culkin Is 40
00:50
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That kid Kevin from Home Alone,
it turns out he's old as shit.
I thought he'd be ten years old forever,
and I can't fucking deal with it.
Macaulay Culkin is 40.
What the hell happened to time?
It's an existential crisis,
and I'm losing my fucking mind.
The fact Kevin is middle aged
is something I refuse to accept.
It's a reminder that each week I write these songs
Is a week I'm closer to death.
Macaulay Culkin is 40.
What the hell happened to time?
It's an existential crisis,
and I'm losing my fucking mind.
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||||
18. |
Polystyrene
01:21
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My attic's the only place I can put all of my shit.
It's an unexplorable catacomb filled with more junk than I'd like to admit.
The sort of stuff you never even use but can't really get rid,
and a mountain of packaging peanuts so big I doubt I'll ever see the end of it.
Polystyrene owns the place,
I just live here.
It's a miserable existence,
Living in fear.
That the next delivery,
will bring more my way,
and I won't see the back of it in my next 50 bin days.
Polystyrene
They only take the grey bin every other week.
It's game over, I've lost, I might as well just accept my defeat.
My flat has turned into a bright white hydrocarbon prison cell.
I pray to plastic to release me from this polystyrene hell.
Polystyrene owns the place,
I just live here.
It's a miserable existence,
Living in fear.
That the next delivery,
will bring more my way,
and I won't see the back of it in my next 50 bin days.
Polystyrene
Polystyrene
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||||
19. |
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I bought 18 cans on Friday, drank them all by Sunday night
The wine I kept under the sink was fine but it went off in '95
Got some Drambuie for Christmas, and these are trying times
I'm so desperate for a drink, I'd even settle for Bud Light
Drinking through lockdown, and I'm a fucking mess
I don't know when the pubs will open, and it's causing me distress
I wish I knew - when I - would see a draft pint again
When does this end?
What's in Nail Polish remover? I'm pretty sure there's some booze in that
I made a snowball out of disinfectant, dettol and Advocaat
The Listerine mojitos pack a punch and give me minty breath
And toilet duck is great with orange juice despite the danger of death
Drinking through lockdown, and I'm a fucking mess
I don't know when the pubs will open, and it's causing me distress
I wish I knew - when I - would see a draft pint again
When does this end?!
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20. |
Big Sandwich
00:33
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What the hell is this?
It's an insult to call this a sandwich.
It's not gonna fill me up, besides which...
It's got lettuce on, and I don't know what that is.
Give me a big sandwich! I've had enough.
A sandwich should be filled with meat and stuff.
Too heavy to lift, bad for your health
and when you finish eating it you hate yourself.
Egg and cress can get in the bin
and I don't want waldorf salad on my chicken
Say no to pecorino and celery
and put some lard in me
Give me a big sandwich! I've had enough.
A sandwich should be filled with meat and stuff.
Too heavy to lift, bad for your health
and when you finish eating it you hate yourself.
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21. |
Welcome to Your Doom
00:16
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I don't know who you are,
but I'm gonna punch your face.
Transform into a wolf
and smash the shit out of the place.
I was dead for a bit, but then I changed my tune.
Welcome to your doom.
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22. |
40 Nuggets
00:19
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I was drunk and hungry, headed to Maccies for some nuggets,
do I want 6, or 9 or 20? I think I'll have 40. Fuck it.
I got home, ready to pig out, so hungry I could eat a horse,
but imagine my disappointment to find that the bastards didn't give me any sauce.
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23. |
Cheap Wine
00:45
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I'm having a hard time deciding what I like most about this wine,
My sophisticated palate tells me it's the fact it only cost £2.99.
I'm a classy bloke
and I know what I like
and the thing that I like most is a bottle of cheap wine.
I can't tell the difference between an award winning wine or the cheapest shit on the shelf.
I'll drink them both and consider it a success if I don't throw up on myself.
I'm a classy bloke
and I know what I like
and the thing that I like most is a bottle of cheap wine.
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24. |
Fuck Off, I'm Sad
00:27
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I don't wanna do anything today, except sit in my pants.
I've got 9 Stellas left, and I'm regretting my bad decision to make plans.
Fuck off, I'm sad.
Fuck sake, I just wanna drink some cans in bed.
I don't wanna go out, I might just order a pizza and watch Match of the Day instead.
Fuck off, I'm sad.
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25. |
What the Hell Is TikTok?
00:50
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I guess it's time to accept that I'm over the hill and out of touch,
'cause there's people dancing on the internet and my head is filled to the brim with fuck.
What the fuck is Tik-Tok
What the fuck is Tik-Tok
What the fuck is Tik-Tok
What the fuck is Tik-Tok
Am I so out of touch? No!
It's the children who are wrong.
But the more that I think about it
I'm pretty sure it's me that is the moron.
What the fuck is Tik-Tok
What the fuck is Tik-Tok
What the fuck is Tik-Tok
What the fuck is Tik-Tok
|
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26. |
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Mick Mars can really shred, and Nikki Sixx is ace at bass,
Tommy Lee bangs the drums like it's nobody's business, but Vince can't really keep the pace.
He tries to sing
But it's really tough
Vince Neil tries his best
But it isn't good enough
Name dropping no names, glamorize cocaine, puppets with strings of gold.
East L.A. at midnight, papa won't be home tonight, found dead with his best friend's wife. Fuck yeah!
He tries to sing
But it's really tough
Vince Neil tries his best
But it isn't good enough
|
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27. |
Lazy Bastard
00:48
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Yeah I guess the world's gone to shit, but I'm really doing fine,
'cause I'm a lazy fucking bastard and I'll sleep my way through the decline.
I'll do it tomorrow
or eventually
I'm a lazy bastard
and I'll always be lazy
I've really always wanted and excuse to never leave the house,
I'd rather sit at home repeatedly watching the same 14 episodes of Danger Mouse.
I'll do it tomorrow
or eventually
I'm a lazy bastard
and I'll always be lazy
|
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28. |
2020
00:05
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|
Shit.
|
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29. |
Punk As Fuck
00:20
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My mum cut my Mohican,
and I follow all the rules.
I buy my records from Amazon
But I'm more punk rock than you.
I listened to Bad Brains, but I didn't get the fuss.
I'm full of shit, but I'm punk as fuck.
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30. |
For the Gram
00:13
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I cooked dinner, but didn't eat it.
Just took a picture of my scran.
Went to the gym, and didn't work out.
I did it for the 'gram.
|
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31. |
Animal Crossing
00:23
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It's a lovely day, I think I'll go out fishing,
and maybe catch a few bugs with my net.
Luxury Island Living
and a mountain of crippling debt.
Tom Nook is an exploitative landlord
and makes you do all of the hard work for free.
It's a lovely island getaway
but you can never leave.
|
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32. |
Fry Up
00:43
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I'll have a bit of everything, you know bacon, eggs, sausage and hash browns,
a load of beans, mushrooms, toast, and a cup of tea to wash it down.
I've got a hangover
and I'm hungry as fuck
I need a proper breakfast
Give me a fry up
There's something to be said for the medical properties of an overwhelming amount of grease,
When you're lying at death's door with the hangover disease
I've got a hangover
and I'm hungry as fuck
I need a proper breakfast
Give me a fry up
|
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33. |
Football Never Ends
01:37
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What the fuck am I supposed to do on a Saturday without Jeff and the Lads?
I haven't played fantasy football for months, can't even remember what players I had
and when the world starts to end, remember what matters the most.
22 lads, a leather ball, painted lines, referees and four goalposts
Can't wait to have my ten-fold accy killed by Leyton Orient or Preston North End
But at least one thing's for sure: Football never ends.
There's only so much Korean K-League or Belarusian Premier League one man can stand
I'd cut of my arse and sit in vinegar to watch Norwich City v West Ham
and when the world starts to end, remember what matters the most.
22 lads, a leather ball, painted lines, referees and four goalposts
Can't wait to have my ten-fold accy killed by Leyton Orient or Preston North End
But at least one thing's for sure: Football never ends!
|
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34. |
X Æ A-12
00:20
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X Æ A-12
X Æ A-12
X Æ A-12
Is a silly name.
X Æ A-12
X Æ A-12
X Æ A-12
Is a very silly name.
|
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35. |
Ali Dia
00:21
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|
Ali Dia's a legend.
George Weah's his cousin.
He played for PSG,
and his national caps are in the dozens.
Ali Dia, football genius.
Graeme Souness signed him to his Southampton Team.
He played for 53 minutes, and got sacked after two weeks.
Ali Dia, football genius.
|
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36. |
Decorative Kebab
00:52
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|
Okay. I just ordered my fifth kebab of the week.
Don't panic, I'm not addicted. There's just no need to intervene.
Delivery guy, don't judge me.
It's not that bad.
I've not got a problem,
it's a decorative kebab.
My weekly allowance for grease is definitely exceeded.
I bought it for cosmetic reasons, but since it's here, I might as well eat it.
Delivery guy, don't judge me.
It's not that bad.
I've not got a problem,
it's a decorative kebab.
|
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37. |
I Was Just Leaving
01:25
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|
Fuck off! Get out of my way.
I'm just here to get some cans and crisps and it's not okay
to get on my back with what you're selling or what you want my money for.
Just please get the fuck out of the way of the door.
I was just leaving, but you won't let me through.
I just wanna go home, I'm not trying to be rude.
I didn't come here today to be advertised at,
so put your clipboard away, and spare me your chat.
Listen mate, I'm gonna level with you.
I've not really got that much better to do,
but I can we just skip this awkward song and dance
so I can go and Fall Guys in my pants?
I was just leaving, but you won't let me through.
I just wanna go home, I'm not trying to be rude.
I didn't come here today to be advertised at,
so put your clipboard away, and spare me your chat.
I was just leaving, and it's really not fair.
I just wanna go home, but you're standing right there.
I didn't come here today expecting this,
so put your clipboard away, you fucking prick.
|
||||
38. |
|
|||
|
You've got a short memory if you think this prick's alright.
He's been on the wrong side all his life and you're a mug if you think he's being nice.
I'm not trying to say
That people can't change,
But you're fucking irredeemable.
Once a dickhead, always a dickhead.
You can't undo years of years of dickheadery with a few nice tweets,
If you're a serial dickhead with a face that looks like a sack of sausage meat.
I'm not trying to say
That people can't change,
But you're fucking irredeemable.
Once a dickhead, always a dickhead.
|
||||
39. |
Shit Punk Rock Songs
01:28
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|
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|
I wanted to form a band but I'm shit at writing music so I just played the guitar really fast and shouted a bit.
We wrote a bunch of songs about dickheads and lager and fighting, but the songs we wrote were really pretty shit.
I can only write - shit punk rock songs
because I've got no fucking talent, and it shows.
They're juvenile and stupid, and they're not very long,
Music in the key of AAAA with fast tempo
I've been playing guitar for like 20 years but I pretty much just learned how to play power chords and then stopped.
My musical prowess is limited to 20 second diatribes about nonsense, but it's the only skill I've got.
I can only write - shit punk rock songs
because I've got no fucking talent, and it shows.
They're juvenile and stupid, and they're not very long,
Music in the key of AAAA with fast tempo
|
||||
40. |
Egg Giveaway
00:39
|
|
||
|
Get off that egg, it's mine, get your own, you shit.
Get your hands off me, you bastard, so I can make a run for it.
Egg giveaway
Egg giveaway
Egg giveaway
Egg giveaway
I've never seen so many eggs in one place at the same time.
The golden eggs are worth more points, so I've turned to a life of egg-based crime.
Egg giveaway
Egg giveaway
Egg giveaway
Egg giveaway
|
||||
41. |
I'd 8-2 Be You
01:59
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|
||
|
The contest was over, but they didn't stop.
There were no fans in the stadium, but you were still the laughing stock.
It's adorable that you needed them to score one of your goals for you.
And you might have bagged another, but it was still seven too few.
I'd 8-2 be you.
I'd 8-2 to be the one that happened to.
On the receiving end of a public humiliation
I'd 8-2 be you.
Your defenders looked like they were on the piss.
But if getting Müllered like that isn't a disgrace, then I don't know what is,
and to concede two goals to someone on your payroll is pretty daft.
You might have unloaded him on Bayern, but they had the last laugh.
I'd 8-2 be you.
I'd 8-2 to be the one that happened to.
On the receiving end of a public humiliation
I'd 8-2 be you.
|
||||
42. |
Dickheads on the Beach
00:27
|
|
||
|
The sun's been out for 5 minutes,
I could swear that we're in Spain.
On our way to Brighton Beach,
Packed like sardines on the train.
A load of dickheads on the beach
Thousands of fucking bellends,
Lying arse-to-arse.
Making shit sandcastles,
And going home with SARS.
A load of dickheads on the beach
|
||||
43. |
ur shit at minecraft
00:09
|
|
||
|
Fuck you
fuck your stream
fuck you
ur shit at minecraft
|
||||
44. |
...Since My Last Kebab
02:03
|
|
||
|
I miss you so much
Please take me back
Didn't think I'd ever feel this heartbreak
I miss kebabs
Hey mate, give me a doner please
Give me salad and sauce, loads of meat, and don't forget the pickled chillies
I've had my fill of healthy meals, I want the meat they cook in a rotating slab
It's been 145 days Since my last kebab
You haven't experienced loss 'til you grieve the absence of meat that's wrapped in bread.
I'll throw my toad in the hole away and order a fat kebab instead
I've got a thing
For sweaty meat
So greasy it destroys your insides
Just can't be beat
Hey mate, give me a doner please
Give me salad and sauce, loads of meat, and don't forget the pickled chillies
I've had my fill of healthy meals, I want the meat they cook in a rotating slab
It's been 145 days Since my last kebab
You haven't experienced loss 'til you grieve the absence of meat that's wrapped in bread.
I'll throw my roast chicken dinner away and order a fat kebab instead
|
||||
45. |
Compo Face
01:03
|
|
||
|
Dear sir, if you will imagine my terror,
when my holiday to Wales was cancelled at the hands of a pesky system error.
A pigeon stole my sandwich, and now I have to pay a fine,
and I woke up this morning to find that someone nicked my garden overnight.
Call the press.
It's a disgrace!
I deserve financial recompense.
Look at my compo face.
I caught the Amazon driver pooing outside my house.
Dear council, there's too many rocks on the beach. Sort it out.
My kid spent 3 grand on Farmville, and I'm fucking irate,
and I'm disgusted at the three foot grass and pollen that's plaguing my estate.
Call the press.
It's a disgrace!
I deserve financial recompense.
Look at my compo face.
|
||||
46. |
|
|||
|
Well maybe you should go also then Jeff cause you couldn't see driving home the other night because you don't even wear your glasses on TV in case you get slagged off so you just stick to Specsavers and let me do the game.
|
||||
47. |
|
|||
|
Why the hell is everybody such a prick?
Can't we just try being nice for once, you dicks?
I'm getting tired of bellends, I've got no time for twats,
but if we can just be mates, I'm up for that.
Hey mate, can we just calm down to discover
that there's just no fucking need for this attitude?
Just chill and lets just fucking hug it out.
Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes.
An enemy's just a friend you haven't had a pint with yet.
We could all learn a little more from Bill and Ted.
They had an adventure, and traveled through time and space
but the best bit was the friends they made on the way.
Hey mate, can we just calm down to discover
that there's just no fucking need for this attitude?
Just chill and lets just fucking hug it out.
Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes.
|
||||
48. |
Captain Bastard
00:27
|
|
||
|
You're a bastard of unreasonable size,
If they graded bastards you'd win first prize.
Captain Bastard
Captain Bastard
I thought I couldn't tell bastards apart,
But you're a world class bastard, and you've mastered the art.
Captain Bastard
Captain Bastard
|
||||
49. |
51% Idiots
02:33
|
|
||
|
Have you ever taken a moment to consider we're completely fucked?
'Cause there's a stupid part of the population and I'm pretty sure it's more than half of us.
It's depressing to know that there's people out there who really believe
that the world is flat, they're microchipping our brains, and giving us a virus with 5G.
We're 51% idiots and it shows,
We're the envy of the world when it comes to having our stupidity exposed.
We're fighting a losing battle, and It's time to embrace the fact,
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I'm not putting myself above this criticism, I'm pretty daft.
I've done some stupid shit in my time, and I'm not gonna try and hide from that
but I've never been willingly dense, beyond the point of disdain,
like getting mugged off by a professional racist, and still chipping in for his holiday to Spain.
We're 51% idiots and it shows,
We're the envy of the world when it comes to having our stupidity exposed.
We're fighting a losing battle, and It's time to embrace the fact,
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
|
||||
50. |
Shapiro
00:10
|
|
||
|
AAAAAAAAAA
|
||||
51. |
Chaos With Ed Miliband
01:50
|
|
||
|
Ed did a stupid face and it was all the talk,
but everyone forgets that David Cameron ate a hot dog with a knife and fork.
Okay, he ate a bacon sandwich, and it was pretty weird.
But at least he only did a stupid face, instead of sticking his dick in the pig.
This shit hasn't gone according to plan,
but it would have been chaos with Ed Miliband.
It's all fucked, everything's out of hand,
but at least it isn't chaos with Ed Miliband.
This is a disclaimer: I don't wanna get in the shit, I should be honest with you.
The pig's head thing might be false, but it's probably true.
Okay, he ate a bacon sandwich, and it was pretty weird.
But at least he only did a stupid face, instead of allegedly sticking his dick in the pig.
This shit hasn't gone according to plan,
but it would have been chaos with Ed Miliband.
It's all fucked, everything's out of hand,
but at least it isn't chaos with Ed Miliband.
|
||||
52. |
Okay Takeaway
00:59
|
|
||
|
I can't decide what I want. Pizza? Kebab? Chips?
I've got a hankering for some greasy food.
This place does everything, and it's pretty fucking cheap,
and it's got a lot of really good reviews.
I waited an hour and a half for my takeaway.
I was really excited but it was just okay.
I really like kebabs but there's barely any meat,
The chilli sauce is shit, and it's a pitta bread.
The chicken nuggets are alright, I guess,
but I wish that we'd ordered from the Pepper Mill instead
I waited an hour and a half for my takeaway.
I was really excited but it was just okay.
|
||||
53. |
Angry at the Telly
01:15
|
|
||
|
Dear Ofcom, I'd like to register my indignation.
That dance on the telly upset me, and I demand a fucking explanation.
Furthermore, I'd like to add, the other things that offended me:
Vegan sausage rolls, men kneeling down, The Great British Bake Off, and Yorkshire Tea.
I'm angry at the telly.
It's all a fucking disgrace.
I've got confused, and cut off my nose to spite my face.
I'm angry at the telly.
A line has been crossed.
I call people snowflakes, but the irony is lost.
Imagine telling people that they need thicker skin,
and then in response to someone kneeling down, you throw your trainers in the bin.
Everyone's offended by something, from what I have seen.
But I'd rather be offended by discrimination than a tub of ice cream.
I'm angry at the telly.
It's all a fucking disgrace.
I've got confused, and cut off my nose to spite my face.
I'm angry at the telly.
A line has been crossed.
I call people snowflakes, but for me, the irony is lost.
|
||||
54. |
|
|||
|
My baked Alaska is fucked. Diana left it out of the fridge.
it can't be fixed and that is without fucking question.
It's a puddle on the table, and the bin's right over there.
I've got a serving suggestion.
|
||||
55. |
Summer Is Cancelled
01:32
|
|
||
|
Last winter was shit, it was freezing all the time,
and it was miserable as fuck if you ever found the nerve to go outside.
I kept myself sane knowing that better days weren't far away.
Just a couple of months until the miserable bullshit had to go away,
but then Summer got cancelled.
What the hell is this? I can't even go outside.
There's no festivals or beer gardens, unless you wanna die.
I know it's for the best, and I've accepted my fate,
but all I wanna do is sit in a field and slam a load of cans with all my mates.
It was actually cold last night, when I was trying to sleep,
and it's hard to drift off when all you're counting is cryogenically frozen sheep
Back in March I stupidly thought that everything would be okay,
but everything is fucked, another rubbish winter is on the way,
and summer is cancelled.
What the hell is this? I can't even go outside.
There's no festivals or beer gardens, unless you wanna die.
I know it's for the best, and I've accepted my fate,
but all I wanna do is sit in a field and slam a load of cans with all my mates.
|
||||
56. |
Sit Down Wee
00:58
|
|
||
|
I've had ten beers, I think, and I've broken the seal.
I can't even see straight, so pissing might be an ordeal.
I'm too pissed, It's an effort to stand up.
I'm fighting a losing battle against gravity.
It's alright, I've got the solution.
I'll treat myself to a sit-down wee.
I don't think my aim's gonna be very good, so I'll pre-empt it.
I'll make a mess if I pee upright so it's best not to attempt it.
I'm too pissed, It's an effort to stand up.
I'm fighting a losing battle against gravity.
It's alright, I've got the solution.
I'll treat myself to a sit-down wee.
|
||||
57. |
Chippy Fight
01:13
|
|
||
|
I just want some pie and chips and I was at the front of the queue,
You stood in front of me and if you don't fuck off I'm gonna fight you.
I'm a hungry lad
It's Friday night
I've had 5 and a half beers
Let's have a fight
You're looking at the board with a vacant stare, just decide what you want,
As soon as we get outside I'm gonna smack you in the head, you cunt.
I'm a hungry lad
It's Friday night
I've had 5 and a half beers
Let's have a fight
I'm a hungry lad
It's Friday night
I've had 5 and a half beers
Let's have a fight
|
||||
58. |
Tommo, Charlie and Matt
01:37
|
|
||
|
Jeff went to work one day, and all his mates were gone
What the fuck happened to them anyway? did they do something wrong?
And what's more, why is Merse still sitting there? There's something weird afoot.
If more than half the panel's out on their arse, how did that prick make the cut?
Whatever happened to Tommo, Charlie and Matt?
And who's gonna give us their useless opinions now, and pass them off as fact?
They were all pretty shit anyway, but I find myself confused.
Who's gonna be there on Soccer Saturday, giving us the play-by-play on Sky Sports News?
LeTiss was a conspiracy nut, and Tommo was full of shit.
Charlie Nicholas tried to mug Jeff off, but couldn't articulate it.
It wasn't the most inclusive bunch, and there's really no excuse,
If the replacements are just another bunch of tired old white dudes.
Whatever happened to Tommo, Charlie and Matt?
And who's gonna give us their useless opinions now, and pass them off as fact?
They were all pretty shit anyway, but I find myself confused.
Who's gonna be there on Soccer Saturday, giving us the play-by-play on Sky Sports News?
|
||||
59. |
|
|||
|
Neil's just a simple man, but if you look a little deeper,
there's more than meets the eye to the friendly bloke that presented Finders Keepers.
He tries to hide his identity.
Bullshit. Neil Buchanan is probably Banksy.
It's a crazy rumour, and I know it's a hell of a lot to unpack,
but what's Dismaland, if not just an even bigger Big Art Attack?
He tries to hide his identity.
Bullshit. Neil Buchanan is probably Banksy.
|
||||
60. |
Rock 'n' Roll Umlaut
00:54
|
|
||
|
What about Scumface but with two dots over the U?
I thought about it but I guess we're just not cool enough to be like Mötley Crüe.
Rock 'n' roll umlaut
Rock 'n' roll umlaut
Rock 'n' roll umlaut
It's a rock 'n' roll umlaut
Let's be like Motörhead, they're pretty cool.
And who the hell doesn't want to be like Spın̈al Tap or Hüsker Dü?
Rock 'n' roll umlaut
Rock 'n' roll umlaut
Rock 'n' roll umlaut
It's a rock 'n' roll umlaut
|
||||
61. |
Fighting in Pubs 2020
01:18
|
|
||
|
What the hell did you call me? It's hard to hear through the Plexiglass.
As soon as I've washed my hands and put my mask on I'm gonna kick your ass.
I'm 6 beers deep, let's have a fight, but don't touch my face.
I guess we'll just throw shit at each other from our personal space.
What's the point in going out drinking when you can't fight, it's such a shame.
I love fighting in pubs, but with social distancing it's just not the same.
Okay, that was out of line, and half my pint has gone to waste.
I tried my best, but it's hard to glass someone from 2 metres away.
I'm 6 beers deep, let's have a fight, but don't touch my face.
I guess we'll just throw shit at each other from our personal space.
What's the point in going out drinking when you can't fight, it's such a shame.
I love fighting in pubs, but with social distancing it's just not the same.
|
||||
62. |
Trapped in IKEA
01:24
|
|
||
|
I'm stuck in a labyrinth of self-assembly furniture, I lost my family hours ago,
The only friends that I have left are a bookcase called Billy and a table called Ingo.
It feels like I've been here forever, don't know if I'll ever see the light of day again,
I'm trapped in a land of furniture and meatballs. There's no end in sight, when will this nightmare end?!
I'm losing hope, it's only kitchen utensils as far as the eye can see,
I've never seen so many tiny pencils, this place will be the death of me.
It feels like I've been here forever, don't know if I'll ever see the light of day again,
I'm trapped in a land of furniture and meatballs. There's no end in sight, when will this nightmare end?!
|
||||
63. |
Robot Wars
00:35
|
|
||
|
Imagine spending all summer working on this shit,
to finally get on TV and get absolutely torn apart by Hypno-Disc.
Let's go on Robot Wars. That sounds like fun.
12 months of building, and it'll smashed to pieces when you're done.
My robot's a unit, It's got a hydraulic axe,
but it didn't matter for shit when it got thrown in the pit by Sgt. Bash.
Let's go on Robot Wars. That sounds like fun.
12 months of building, and it'll smashed to pieces when you're done.
|
||||
64. |
Gin Is for Winners
01:04
|
|
||
|
I wanna get drunk but I don't want to seem unsophisticated.
Lager isn't going to cut it and red wine makes me constipated.
Gin is for winners, I can take or leave the tonic.
You can drink it at morning, afternoon or night, and no one thinks you're an alcoholic.
So if you want to get so drunk you can't remember anything,
but you still want to be classy about it, have a pint of gin.
If you neck a bottle of Buckfast, everyone thinks you're a scummy prick,
but you'll look like a fucking billionaire if you're necking Tanqueray or Hendricks.
Gin is for winners, I can take or leave the tonic.
You can drink it at morning, afternoon or night, and no one thinks you're an alcoholic.
So if you want to get so drunk you can't remember anything,
but you still want to be classy about it, have a pint of gin.
|
||||
65. |
Six Chip Twat
00:32
|
|
||
|
Nothing highlights the class divide like that plate of posh chips.
I love a chippy as much as the next guy, but this isn't it.
You can't judge a book by its cover, but I'm pretty certain that
you're a wanker, you're demented, and you're a Scottish Tory Six-Chip Twat.
If you served me that in a chippy, I'd throw it in the bin.
You can stick your Jenga tower of chips, and peas served in a ramekin
You can't judge a book by its cover, but I'm pretty certain that
you're a wanker, you're demented, and you're a Scottish Tory Six-Chip Twat.
|
||||
66. |
Sticky and Unpleasant
00:28
|
|
||
|
Fucking hell
What's that on my hand?
It feels like a slug's willy
I just don't understand
Sticky and unpleasant
Sticky and unpleasant
Sticky and unpleasant
Sticky and unpleasant
It smells pretty odd like meat left to go bad
Doing the washing up makes me very sad
Sticky and unpleasant
Sticky and unpleasant
Sticky and unpleasant
Sticky and unpleasant
|
||||
67. |
4-Pack of Special Brew
01:06
|
|
||
|
I fancy getting fat and drunk.
Let's order a takeaway and get some beer,
spend an unreasonable amount on greasy food.
It's gonna smell of beer and farts in here
I'll have a kebab,
and a pizza, too.
Gimme some nuggets as well,
and a 4-pack of special brew.
What the hell have I done?
The amount I ate is beyond comprehension,
and the smell that's coming out of me
is against the Geneva Convention
I'll have a kebab,
and a pizza, too.
Gimme some nuggets as well,
and a 4-pack of special brew.
|
||||
68. |
|
|||
|
Everything was going great for a while, I couldn't complain...
until a black cloud of irredeemable shit came along and pissed on us with its stinky rain
And now it's fucked
and the problem is everything has turned from gold into shit.
Everything was fine
but it's time to admit everything has turned from gold into shit.
When shit piles on top of shit, that's too much shit to take
and you're faced with an insurmountable mountain made entirely out of human waste
And now it's fucked
and the problem is everything has turned from gold into shit.
Everything was fine
but it's time to admit everything has turned from gold into shit.
|
||||
69. |
Secret Pigeon Gang
00:50
|
|
||
|
I'm being watched.
They're plotting my demise.
An unstoppable army of pigeons,
descending from the skies.
I'm convinced they're out to get me.
Everywhere I go is a flying vermin wonderland.
They're conspiring against me.
Make it stop. It's a secret pigeon gang.
I'm not paranoid.
You'll fucking see.
These dirty, feathery bastards,
will be the death of me.
I'm convinced they're out to get me.
Everywhere I go is a flying vermin wonderland.
They're conspiring against me.
Make it stop. It's a secret pigeon gang.
|
||||
70. |
|
|||
|
Are you fucking daft? What are you talking about?
What's made you angry this week? Why must you shout?
What?! The immigrants are at it again? Coronavirus is a myth,
and the pesky leftist Marxists want to ban Big Ben?!
Okay, it seems kinda daft, and I don't know what to believe,
but I read it on the internet, so I'm pretty sure it's real.
It got 2000 shares and Diane from Bradford said it's a disgrace,
so when I want my daily digest, social media's the place.
So where did you read this? Did you find a reputable source?
No, it's just an unverified picture, but you're beating a dead horse.
They're not trying to ban the poppy, and Tupac is still dead,
and ignoring a post won't make you wake up at 4am with a ghost at the foot of your bed.
Okay, it seems kinda daft, and I don't know what to believe,
but I read it on the internet, so I'm pretty sure it's real.
It got 2000 shares and Kevin from Ipswich said it's a disgrace,
so when I want my daily digest, social media's the place.
|
||||
71. |
Eric Dier Did a Poo
00:19
|
|
||
|
Eric ran down the tunnel. Jose was fucking livid,
but when you have to go you have to go, and he needed a shit.
He did his business, and after he had shat,
he scored his penalty in the shootout, and he was man of the match.
|
||||
72. |
Drunk in a Field
00:13
|
|
||
|
Drinking warm cans for breakfast, smoking 40 cigs a day.
There's nothing I'd rather be doing than watching shit bands with my mates.
|
||||
73. |
|
|||
|
Are you looking for a fight?
A physical fight?
Do you want to fight me?
If you do fight me it'll be a fight that you lose
because I am an excellent fighter.
|
||||
74. |
|
|||
|
You fucking prick! Your bullet bill knocked me clean off the edge of the road.
When I got back on I'd been overtaken by Donkey Kong, Yoshi, Bowser and Toad.
All is fair in love and Mario Kart
Take that, you prick! That bomb landed straight on your head
and the green shell you fired went straight past me, bounced of the wall and hit you instead
All is fair in love and Mario Kart
Is that a blue shell?!
You dick!
|
||||
75. |
Critical Fails
00:13
|
|
||
|
I dropped my breakfast on the floor
Had a drink and nearly drowned
I pissed right down my leg
and forgot how to sit down
|
||||
76. |
Swino the Pig
00:27
|
|
||
|
Swino was a pig
He drank 18 cans of beer
He tried to fight a cow
And tore up some camping gear
He swam over a river
Fell asleep beneath a log
Rest well now, Swino
You legendary hog
Swino the pig
Swino the pig
Swino the pig
Swino the pig
|
||||
77. |
Brian Loves Potatoes
00:14
|
|
||
|
Brian loves potatoes with tuna and cheese
Normal people eat one, but Brian had three
Leant out to be sick while driving his Rover
Fell out of the car and ran himself over
|
||||
78. |
|
|||
|
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a poo.
|
||||
79. |
Where's the Beef
00:36
|
|
||
|
What the hell kind of burger is this?
and what's with these chips?!
I can't explain the joyless despair I feel
when I eat this so-called happy meal
Where's the beef
Where's the beef
Where's the beef
Where's the beef
To whom it may concern: What the fuck?!
is this flat piece of meat meant to fill me up?
I'm writing to say that it takes the piss
That I queued for an hour and a half for this
Where's the beef
Where's the beef
Where's the beef
Where's the beef
|
||||
80. |
Southern Chippies
00:11
|
|
||
|
Southern chippies are really shit
they don't put gravy on their chips
I'm naan too pleased, I'd rather be dead
than have my doner on a pitta bread
|
||||
81. |
Fuck Windows Updates
00:05
|
|
||
|
Fuck Windows updates
|
||||
82. |
|
|||
|
Maybe everything's not that bad if we bury our heads in the sand.
If we can just ignore the outside world, this year is going exactly to plan.
I'm pretty sure everything's fine.
If we don't look out the window, and do absolutely nothing but Among Us and Fall Guys.
It's fair to say summer sucked,
but everything is back to normal, except the whole world is fucked.
It's been 200 days since I saw any of my friends,
But Athletico Mince and The Bake Off are back, and I never thought I'd see either of those again.
I'm pretty sure everything's fine.
If we don't look out the window, and do absolutely nothing but Among Us and Fall Guys.
It's fair to say summer sucked,
but everything is back to normal, except the whole world is fucked.
|
||||
83. |
|
|||
|
Why the hell do you look so confused?
Yeah, I did it, but I've got a perfect excuse.
I'm really not sure why you're so angry at me.
I've only done something wrong internationally.
Yeah, I spilled your pint, but that's okay.
I did it in a limited and specific way.
Calm down. Can you please just relax?
What aspect of this are you furious at?
It's unfair, but it's really nothing new.
It's one rule for me, and one rule for you.
Yeah, I punched you in the face, but that's okay.
I did it in a limited and specific way.
|
||||
84. |
Poo Girl
00:49
|
|
||
|
I hooked up with this lass from Morley,
but something about her, it made me poorly.
She tried to kiss me, and then it hit.
Her fucking breath, it stank of shit.
Poo Girl is a legend.
She lost 400 quid.
She got stuck in the toilet,
and almost fell in the shit.
I gave her a chance to apologise.
Agreed to meet her for a burger and fries.
She opened her purse to pay the bill
The fucking stench made me fucking ill.
Poo Girl is a legend.
From Leeds 2009.
She got stuck in the toilet,
but it was a simpler time.
|
||||
85. |
Pizza Is Cool
00:15
|
|
||
|
Meat, tomato, bread and cheese
Pizza is cool
Pepperoni and anchovies
Pizza is cool
|
||||
86. |
Jobby Horror
00:47
|
|
||
|
I went out shopping. I needed some frozen meat,
and when it comes to that, Iceland can't be beat.
I wasn't looking when I put my hand in the fridge,
I wanted nuggets, but all I got was a handful of human shit.
It's a jobby horror.
There's poo on my hand.
I just wanted Nuggets.
That's why mums go to Iceland.
I reported it and at first they laughed.
They've seen some shit in their time, but not as literally as that.
They said they'd compensate me and I was appalled.
I was covered in shit and all they gave me was a box of Lindor Chocolate Balls.
It's a jobby horror.
There's poo on my hand.
I just wanted Nuggets.
That's why mums go to Iceland.
|
||||
87. |
Panic Buying Again
00:48
|
|
||
|
The shelves are empty. The shops can't deal with the demand.
If you grab that bag of pasta before me, I'll break your fucking hand.
We didn't learn a thing the last time, we've got more canned food than sense.
Fuck everyone else. We're panic buying again.
You selfish prick, you've got enough toilet paper to fill your car,
and because of you, there's an old man somewhere using his jumper to wipe his arse.
We're fucking skint, and we've got more money than sense.
Fuck everyone else. We're panic buying again.
|
||||
88. |
Bought It on Wish
01:18
|
|
||
|
I've got a PS5 already, and I only spent 40 quid.
Super Nario has amazing graphics and Bonic the Hedgehog fucking rips.
A mountain of bootleg shit, as far as the eye can see.
All the big name brands, just without the basic functionality.
I don't know what I expected, but this isn't it.
I bought it on Wish.
They sent a free gift! A genuine Rolex watch.
Anyway, is that the time? I'd better run. it's already seventeen o' clock.
A mountain of bootleg shit, as far as the eye can see.
All the big name brands, just without the basic functionality.
I don't know what I expected, but this isn't it.
I bought it on Wish.
|
||||
89. |
White Claw
00:15
|
|
||
|
I'm a sucker for a trend, as much as I hesitate to admit,
so I decided to try a hard seltzer, but it just tasted of nothing mixed with shit.
|
||||
90. |
Dickhead Convention
00:47
|
|
||
|
David Icke is a dickhead,
and if you listen to him, you're a mug,
and if you can't breathe through a thin piece of cloth,
you're probably already fucked.
Thousands of absolute bellends.
A clusterfuck beyond redemption.
Standing shoulder to shoullder,
at the Dickhead Convention.
Bring your wife and kids.
It's glorious outside..
Stand in solidarity.
Say 'I'm a dickhead' and say it with pride.
Thousands of absolute bellends.
A clusterfuck beyond redemption.
Standing shoulder to shoullder,
at the Dickhead Convention.
|
||||
91. |
Street Drinking Fine
00:24
|
|
||
|
Walking down Paisley Road on my way to town with a bottle of Frosty Jack
Street drinking fine
Street drinking fine
Got stopped by police, fined me 40 quid, and wouldn't give my cider back
Street drinking fine
Street drinking fine
|
||||
92. |
Karen
01:29
|
|
||
|
Working in retail must be trying at the best of times,
but much worse when there's a deadly virus as well.
Imagine risking your life to be verbally accosted
by a middle aged white entitled spawn of hell.
Okay Karen, put your pointing finger away,
I don't know what I've done to cause such an affront.
Calm down. I'm afraid the manager isn't here,
but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, you silly cunt.
Eat out to help out? Great, but can you just be fucking nice?
The person serving you could do with less of your shit.
Get shot of your thinly veiled racist demands,
and can you please just vaccinate your fucking kids?!
Okay Karen, put your pointing finger away,
I don't know what I've done to cause such an affront.
Calm down. I'm afraid the manager isn't here,
but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, you silly cunt.
|
||||
93. |
Fatima's Next Job
01:34
|
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|
Fatima does ballet. It's how she makes a living,
or I guess it was, if she wasn't a stock photo, and she existed,
but if she retrained, and found a new skill set,
she could have a career in cyber, but she doesn't know it yet.
She could be an astronaut or a sailor,
or a football referee.
She won't get the work, unless she does it for free.
She could be an air traffic controller,
or work in a shop.
It's a mystery. It's Fatima's next job.
Imagine being so out of touch that you think that in your thirties,
you can just retrain and get a job as a boxer or in taxidermy.
but if she retrained, and found a new skill set,
she could have a career in cyber, but she doesn't know it yet.
She could be an engineer or a dentist,
or take up cartography.
She won't get the work, unless she does it for free.
She could be a bomb disposal expert,
or just work in a shop.
It's a total fucking mystery. It's Fatima's next job.
|
||||
94. |
Intelligent Cunts
00:19
|
|
||
|
You need to communicate, and maybe I’m wrong – maybe I’m wrong...
I feel that you are honestly a very nice group of guys.
But for 90 minutes, you cannot be nice.
For 90 minutes you have to be a bunch of cunts.
Intelligent cunts, not stupid cunts.
Bastards in the sense that you are there to win matches, man.
|
||||
95. |
Fucked It
00:25
|
|
||
|
You've dropped the ball, you've made a twat of yourself
If stupidity had value then you're hoarding all the wealth
Fucked it
You've really fucked it
Fucked it
You've really fucked it
You fucking idiot, have you lost your head?!
Everybody saw that, and boy, is your face red!
Fucked it
You've really fucked it
Fucked it
You've really fucked it
|
||||
96. |
Pie Bob's
00:31
|
|
||
|
Pie Bob's is the best. They've got so many pies.
They've got every pie you can think of and some you'd never recognise.
Pie Bob's
Pie Bob's
Pie Bob's
Pie Bob's
They make Pies that are filled with all sorts of weird and wonderful things.
You can get a pie, some crisps and drinks, and a ten-deck of Richmond Superkings.
Pie Bob's
Pie Bob's
Pie Bob's
Pie Bob's
|
||||
97. |
You Shat on Pitch
00:46
|
|
||
|
He was playing against the Republic of Ireland in the 1990 World Cup,
He scored a goal, and decided to celebrate by evacuating his guts.
You shat on boat
You shat on crisp
You shat on wife
You shat on pitch
He wiped his arse by dragging it along the wet grass like some kind of dog
He tried to play on, but it's pretty hard to play football when you're carrying a dirty log
You shat on boat
You shat on crisp
You shat on wife
You shat on pitch
|
||||
98. |
It's Not Piss
00:44
|
|
||
|
I swear I just spilled my drink.
I spilled it on my pants.
It's just Vimto. It's not what you think.
It's not what it looks like at first glance.
It's not piss.
It's really not piss.
It's not piss.
I swear it isn't piss.
I just need to dry off.
There's really nothing to see.
It's just an innocent stain,
even if it looks a lot like wee.
It's not piss.
It's really not piss.
It's not piss.
I swear it isn't piss.
|
||||
99. |
Outstaying My Welcome
03:17
|
|
||
|
Remember when we thought we might get some of the summer back,
so I decided to make one E.P. a week, just to bridge the gap.
But Summer feels like forever ago. The days are getting short.
I thought I'd make a few E.P.s, but lockdown went on longer than I thought.
Outstaying my welcome. This has gone too far.
I'm outstaying my welcome. It's time I put down my guitar.
Outstaying my welcome, and it's time to admit
that I wrote 100 punk rock songs, and every single one of them was shit.
The world's a strange place , but hopefully some time next year,
we can see each other face to face, hug it out, and have a beer.
It sucks not seeing all your mates. For me, it's the hardest bit,
but they're gonna be there waiting for you, when we get out of the other side of this.
Outstaying my welcome, but I've had a blast.
I'm outstaying my welcome. I've finished this bullshit at last.
Outstaying my welcome, and it's time to exclaim
that I wrote 100 punk rock songs, and every last one of them kept me sane.
Outstaying my welcome, but I've hope you've had fun.
I'm outstaying my welcome. It's been 5 months since Volume 1.
Outstaying my welcome, and it's time to admit
that I only have one thing left to say: Thanks for listening to this shit.
|
||||
100. |
The End
00:06
|
|
||
|
The end.
|
||||
Mike From Scumface Manchester, UK
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